So I was talking to Renay yesterday and telling her that I haven't posted in a while because I'm going through a ton right now and I'm not sure what to post about. I also told her that I'm not ready to be that transparent to post about my struggles. Which in return she told me that I might as well join in with everyone else. I comend (sp?) those of you that are! You have no idea how much that helps me to read about your transparency.
I'm not sure I'm ready to be completely transparent. Saying this much is hard enough, but I'm stepping out...a very small step! But a step nonetheless.
I really can't believe I'm doing this, but here goes! So I'll just start with saying...I'm struggling, really struggling! Thats about as transparent as I can be and is really hard for me to even say that. But that is also where I'm going to end. Sorry.
So I ask for prayers, lots of prayers! Wow...I can't believe it, I just asked for something! That's something else I'm not real good at.
So on a good note...summer is almost here!! Even though the weather doesn't seem like it. I am so excited for Mason to be at home and for us to enjoy this summer. Please remind me of that when I'm saying I wish he was back in school! LOL No, seriously, I am really excited! We are about to venture on a new journey and I can't wait!!
Sorry about the gloomy post! Hopefully I will have something more fun and exciting next time! :)
I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed week!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Transparency
Posted by April at 2:28 PM
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6 comments:
April, I totally understand. I feel the same way. It is one thing for me to be transparent about jobs or being sloppy, etc. It is another thing for me to be transparent about what I feel inside.
Don't feel bad about it. No one says you have to be transparent on your blog or to everyone you meet. Sometimes, it is just one other friend.
This morning, I called Kara and asked for prayer for a personal struggle. I didn't go into detail, though, because I didn't feel that it would be helpful to give details. Other times, I do go into detail, though.
Just don't beat yourself up about this. :) You are a great mom, friend, wife, and blogger.
Emily
let me know how everything goes. I will be home about 930 tonight. I will be on if you need to talk.
I think you made a great first step and I agree (of course) with Emily that your blog doesn't need to be a place for you to spill your guts. God already knows what you are dealing with and I get the feel from you that you do want us to help you through this. I may be wrong (as I don't even know what "this" is) and that's ok...what's important is that we are all here for you and when you are ready if you want earthly help, we'll be here waiting to help you ad remind you of eternal truths. The Lord loves you "lack of transparency and all". Hugs friend!
April ~ I remember back to when I started comming to EFC and the women's group. The women's group at the time consisted of about 9 women. I was struggling with an issue and it was obvious. Lisa offered to have everyone pray for me, right then and there. I said NO! I was in a church and said no to prayers just for me. I wasn't ready for that type of relationship with other women or attention on me.
This past summer, I did meet up with Lisa and talked through some of the pain and issues. For me to finally let some of that hurt out felt good! I'm not good at asking for help either. That was my first step. It has gotten a little easier, but I still struggle with asking for help. It not pride for me, it's thinking they wouldn't want to help me! LIE! LIE! LIE!
Just wanted you to know your not in it alone!
April, I am so sorry that you are struggling right now. I wish there was some way that I could wave a magic wand and make yours (and everyone else's) struggles, hurts, and pains go away. When I see people I care about go through such a dark time, I want to just hold them and shield them from everything bad and that is what I wish I could for you right now. I hope that doesn't sound weird because, who am I to take that place, but it's the truth. Please know that I totally respect your decision to keep to yourself about things, but know that I am here for you if you need.
I don't have your email, though I wanted to shoot you a hello! I was thinking about you and wanted to see how you are doing.
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