So I figured it was time to finally sit down and officially order the curriculum for next year that I had picked out a while ago. If only it were that easy. :) As I went through my wish list and looked over everything again that I had picked out (I should have never done that), I started to second guess myself and whether I really believed that the material I had chosen was at the right level for Mason. I was so confident before, maybe a little too confident. I am in panic mode now because it can take up to 3 weeks for the material to come in and if I don't like it and want to send it back then there's another couple weeks. Did I mention that I am in full force PANIC MODE!!
As I have expressed before Mason has had some difficulties this year. There are some things that he mastered quite well, some things that he didn't grasp at all and some things that I think got a little lost because of the pace they moved. As I started looking over the books that I had chosen I started to wonder if they were too advanced. I'm really hesitant now. I don't want to overwhelm him with material that is too hard, but I also don't want to bore him with stuff he already knows. Don't get me wrong, I will definitely be reviewing with him in the beginning, but I don't want to redo everything he did in this past year.
So I will probably spend the next few days...or weeks...going over everything...again! Probably to just end up ordering what I had originally picked out. Go figure!
On a completely different note I have been praying about the tile I got at the H2H Retreat. I'm not very good at expressing myself without coming off wrong, but I'm going to try so please bare with me. My tile said Holy, and frankly I didn't have the slightest clue why I would have gotten that tile. So I started to really think and pray about it and until recently I was still sure that I had gotten the wrong one. I'm starting to realize that, in my time of struggle and even when I'm not struggling, I need to focus on how Holy God is. It is through Him that relationships can be restored! It is through Him that we can find comfort! It is through Him that we can grow and become more like Christ!
Someone recently brought the verse Matthew 17:20 to my attention again. I'm not good at quoting scripture so please forgive me. But it talks about having faith as small as a mustard seed and being able to move a mountain. If it only takes that small amount, then imagine what we/I could do with more! I have known this verse for a long time, but at this point in my life it meant something very different. Not only do I think I have lost sight of how Holy God is, but I think I have lost my faith in this troubling time for me. I have lost my faith in what he can do and I have lost my faith in what I can accomplish through Him. Someone also recently told me that I can't do it, but God can!!! I needed to be reminded of that.
So in this time of struggle for me I am going to remember the verse I tell the boys everyday...."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
While this time is really hard for me and I am really struggling...it never hurts to go back to the basics!! :)
WOW!! Hows that for transparency! I bet your saying to yourself, is this really April typing this...it sure is! I can't believe I just typed all that!
By the way...I'm so uncomfortable with this post that I have been back to edit it 4 times now after posting it! Seriously!
Friday, May 23, 2008
I Panicked!
Posted by April at 7:01 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
April, what a beautiful post. I understand what you are saying. I think all of us find ourselves in your position at times. God says that we should have faith like a child...so going back to the basics is probably one of the best things you can do to re-vitalize and strengthen your relationship with Him.
As far as curriculum goes, I understand the pressures (or at least as much as I can...probably not completely). I think that you are doing a great job, though. Any child would be fortunte to have a mom who cares as much as you do. Beth, another lady at our church, is a homeschooling mom. She said she worried so much about curriculum the first few years because she felt like they were in a fishbowl with everyone watching to see how they did. Finally, she said, she realized that it was about the spiritual relationship first...and that the academic curriculum would fall into place. (Not that I know how she eventually came to this conclusion, but it gives me hope that if we get the spiritual education there first, the academics will fall into place.)
Anyway, I think you are doing a great job, and I'm so glad to get to know you.
April, the verses that you mentioned really speak to me right now also. It's amazing how easy it is to get wrapped up in the "world" and forget about how much we need to rely on God to help us through. I am such a self-reliant person that I even push God out, thinking I can do better! Boy, how many times I have learned over and over again that I'm not in control, He is. And you know what- I still have a few times left to learn it again, I'm sure! I'm so glad that you posted about those verses. I am amazed at the strides you are making to reach out for people's support. You are doing a great thing for your family and I admire your dedication.
Yet another step closer to HIM! Speak the truth over yourself about the doubts you have.
I think your amazing to lead your children in their education, plus you can mix your faith into the curriculum. How wonderful is that!
Have a blessed day in HIS arms!
you're doin' great friend...can't wait to get back to FCC -kinda;-)
Yea...school's out for-ever;-) kinda-for you anyway;-)
Hugs, R
Post a Comment