Rough Day

Today was a rough day for me. I tried to keep myself busy, but as I sit here tonight I feel a little guilty and sad. Today was supposed to be our first day of school. The public schools started today and that didn't help my guilt. I decided last week that we were going to wait until after Labor Day to start school because of the whole van situation. We still haven't come to a decision and there are alot of options to consider and people to call. We would really like to get out of our ridiculously high payment and away from our loan company. However we don't know if its possible to get another loan right now. The insurance is giving us about 3,000 more than we had figured so that helped alot if we do decide to total it. So we have alot to decide in a short amount of time. I asked the repair shop to give us until Wednesday before he pulled the van out of the shop. Hopefully we will here something by then.

Back to the school issue. My mother in law called today and excitedly asked how our first day of school went and I told her we didn't start. She was shocked and was like you have to get started sometime. I know she didn't mean anything by it, but I was already feeling guilty and then I had to explain why we didn't start. I know that there will always be things that can get in the way and I need to realize that school comes first. Its not like we will be in school all day and I can get done what I need to do in the afternoon. But I'm already so nervous and with not knowing if we're going to have to go and find a car and other chaotic things going on I just didn't want to start under so much pressure and stress. I know that this week is going to be a crazy one and I also didn't want to set myself up for failure, but I also don't want to get in the habit of pushing it back. I really don't think that I will but I know thats probably what other people will think. Its very hard for me to balance what I know I'm doing is right and what other people will think. People I know that homeschool are telling me that its not that big of deal and not to panic or worry, but I feel like I have these huge standards and expectations to live up to. I know that I already put a huge amount of pressure and expectations on myself. I just don't want to let myself or Mason down.

So, accountability people...I need it please! After Labor Day, September 2, is our first day of school!! No matter what happens, what comes up, how I'm feeling.....nothing, thats the day!!

I hope everyone has a fantastic week!!