I had a meltdown. Yup, thats right, a meltdown over this homeschool stuff. I feel like I'm getting no where, teaching nothing and am completely failing on this. Everyday is like a fight, for Mason and myself. I struggle with whether I'm teaching the right things, doing enough, depriving him of a "real" education and screwing him up. There is so much he needs to know and doesn't and honestly I'm not doing that good at making him. I want to succeed in this very badly!
I go in spirts. One minute I am so energized and doing really well and the next minute all I wanna do is sit on the coach and let them play. This was supposed to be fun and exciting. I know, wait... I KNOW it can be! I see all these cool things and ideas, but when it comes to implementing them I just have a hard time balancing everything. I think back and wonder what happened to the teacher in me. Maybe thats the problem, I'm focusing too much on teaching instead of learning. Does that make sense?
Anyway, I don't know. I could really use some prayers or ideas on this. I need direction, guidance, motivation, and most of all cooperation from Mason. Not too mention that this has made me feel so isolated from other people.
Okay, off I go to download more possible things to implement.
Talk soon!
Friday, November 14, 2008
It happened...
Posted by April at 10:51 PM
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2 comments:
Oh April, breakdowns are NOT fun, but sometimes inevitable. I really hope God reveals to you more clearly what it is that's best for your family. If it's homeschooling, that He'll give you the motivation, passion and patience you need to do this and that He will help Mason to be more compliant to learn with you as teacher. OR if it's enrolling back in school, that you feel comfortable with that decision and that Mason succeeds in that setting. Of course, I don't know what's best. I just really pray that whichever route you take...that you are at peace about it. Either scenario will have its challenges (pros AND cons), I just think you'd be able to deal with it better if you felt more confident that even with the "junk," this is what we're supposed to be doing.
I'm sorry you're going through this (and much more), but I am diligently praying for you.
April, I think frustration is inevitable. Even as a public school teacher, I had days were I felt like I was useless, my curriculum was wrong, etc. Of course, they weren't actually my kids...and I had other teachers there to lean on. I think all that you have described is natural, and I pray that you start to feel better soon. You have been through so much lately, and my heart goes out to you. I will certainly pray for you because I know that God knows the right doors to go through...and He will help.
I'm praying. I can't wait to see you tonight.
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